Today while running errands I listened to Dennis Prager. A caller was telling a story about a friend of his who is a quadriplegic. To sum up, his friend was wheeled into a room with a young man who was also a quadriplegic. The friend tried to initiate a conversation with the young man only to discover that the young man was paralyzed from the mouth down, so could not speak. The friend kept track of this young man. Eventually the young man was given an optical device where he could use his eyes to look at letters to spell what he wanted to say. Those who provided it for him asked him if he could do anything, what would it be?
Would he like to go to Disneyland?
No
Would he like to go to Disney World?
No
They really wanted to do something for him so they told him they would do anything or take him anywhere he wanted to go.
Last night as I knelt in prayer and reflected with the Lord upon the day (being Easter) my mind reviewed the many references to the Saviors Atonement given in General Conference. As I proffered my deep gratitude this post came to my mind.
To recap, I had been going through a horrific struggle in my life. A struggle that had taken a few precious years away from me. I clearly remember the hopeless feeling I felt while on my knees and then crying myself to sleep. I clearly remember the dream. I clearly remember the feeling the next day as I was driving in my car and suddenly understood how the Atonement works.
It’s been over three years since I’ve had that experience and as I contemplated it I realized that I still struggle against the things I struggled with then. I still get that panicky feeling. But I am still rowing.
Only, I am not rowing alone; if so, I wouldn’t have made it this far.
My little craft is like an acorn cap bobbing in the current of the Mighty Mississippi. My oars are like toothpicks with which I am frantically paddling to navigate the currents and whitewater that constantly threatens to capsize me. And I have been capsized.
But still, I have made progress.
Because each time I have been capsized, I have been scooped up, dried off and set back on course. I have been guided on my way, pushed from behind, and in the worst of times, I have been picked up and carried in the palm of His hand.
I love Easter and the opportunity it affords to contemplate the great, eternal sacrifice of our Savior. But I love even more that every day I can avail myself of that sacrifice. Every day the Atonement is alive and working in my life.
Today I met a Holocaust survivor. She told us of her experiences. She was 20 at the time. She was in Auschwitz. She has a tattoo. A number.
A16786
It's on her arm. She let us touch her tattoo. It was an almost reverent experience. She told to forgive those who trespass against us. And she told us to always look forward to the future. Her words and her spirit are forever tattooed upon my heart.
I have been blessed with dry skin. Yes, I said blessed.
Who, in their right mind, is grateful for dry skin?
OK, so I’m not always in my right mind…just stick with me.
For most of my life the soles of my feet have been dry and rough with deep, painful cracks. Putting on a pair of nylons without running them was nearly impossible. I have tried all kinds of remedies, but to no avail…until I met Burt.
Meet my best friend: Burt’s Bees' Coconut Foot Crème.
I have a little ritual. Every morning when I shower I scrub my feet with a pumice stone. Then after the shower I apply a liberal amount of the Foot Crème on my soles and slip on a pair of socks. I wear the socks as long as possible before getting ready to go. Sometimes at night I’ll put on more crème and wear the socks to bed. When I do this on a regular basis, my feet become soft and supple. I can wear nylons without running them. I can wear sandals and not be embarrassed by my cracked heels. Life is good.
But sometimes I get rushed…or lazy. I skip the pumice stone. Or I don’t want to take the time to rub the crème on and put on the socks. It’s a thick, oily crème that requires a little time to rub in (like maybe 30 seconds). So I skip that. If this only happens once or twice it’s not too noticeable. It might take a few times of getting back in the habit before my feet are soft again, but it’s not too hard.
Sometimes, however, I get out of the habit. Way out of the habit. So far out that my feet become very dry. They begin to crack. Then they begin to bleed. It is painful to walk on them. It hurts to put shoes on. Life is not good.
When I ponder on this as I am showering and scrubbing my feet I think of this scripture from Isaiah:
How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! ~Isaiah 52:7
I have another little ritual. Every morning I awake at 5:50am. I get dressed and gather a pillow, a blanket, my scriptures and my ponderings journal. I drive my daughter to seminary and while she is in class I snuggle down in the seat, say a prayer, and read and ponder my scriptures. When I do this on a regular basis my soul becomes soft and supple. I am open to the inspirations of the spirit. I can “run and not be weary, and walk and not faint”. Life is good.
But sometimes I get rushed…or lazy. I skip on the scriptures and take a nap. Or sometimes I just rush through the reading and don’t take the time to really ponder and let the truths sink into my soul. If this only happens once or twice, it’s not too noticeable. It takes me a couple of mornings of getting back into the habit to keep my soul open to enlightment, but it’s not too hard.
Sometimes, however, I get out of the habit. Way out of the habit. So far out that my soul becomes very dry.Relationships become strained, sometimes even painful. I begin to crack. My soul begins to hurt. Life is not good.
My temporal condition is a daily reminder of my spiritual condition. My sole reflects my soul! If I want to keep my feet beautiful, I must take care of them daily.Every morning as I am getting ready for the day and I am tempted to skip the foot crème, I remember the pain of having dry, cracked heels and so I choose to apply the healing balm that will keep my feet soft and supple.Likewise, this little ritual reminds me that if I want to bring good tidings and peace to those around me, I must keep my soul beautiful by applying the healing balm of the Word of God each day.
And that, my friends, is why I am blessed with dry skin.
My girls and I all take piano from the most fabulous teacher. Everytime after our lesson I tell my girls, "When I grow up I want to be just like Sister____________. She is very encouraging and positive even when she is critiquing your work. And she's always smiling. I love people who always smile.
Anyway, back to why I'm glad this day is over. Today was our piano recital. I was playing two pieces, one by myself and one as a duet with my eldest daughter. I had practiced and practiced my own piece, but there were two parts that every single time I played them, I messed up. I would go back and work on just those parts over and over and over again, only to come back and mess up. The other struggle was that my daughter was at EFY all last week, so we were not able to practice our duet together until this morning! Let's talk about stress here...no, let's not!
I prayed, we prayed, my husband gave us blessings. We perservered and improved. Before the recital I said another prayer and asked that our minds would be quickened and our hands able to remember the notes, but I forgot to ask for one specific thing.............I forgot to ask that my hands not shake.
They shook.
So much so that EVERYONE noticed, and EVERYONE commented on it afterward.
I played my solo piece first and was so devastated with my shaking hands that I was unsure if I would be able to perform the duet with my daughter. So I prayed and as I was praying I remembered something I had read recently. It was from the 23 Psalm..."He leadeth me beside the still waters." I asked that my hands be made still and the words that came into my mind were, "Be still and know that I am God."
Our turn came and even though we made a few mistakes, my hands were calm.
Really, that's just an excuse for not posting the last few days. My plan was to post how I have seen the hand of the Lord in my family's life each day until Thanksgiving. I almost made it...posting that is. Well, six out of ten days isn't too bad! At any rate, just because I didn't post doesn't mean that I didn't recognize the Lord's hand in our lives. In fact the process of writing and thinking about it caused me to look for it each day and by so doing I was able to see just how often His hand was there. The sad thing is that because I didn't write the events down, they are lost forever in the recessess of my mind. I have a bad habit of pushing memories away, good and bad. It stems from the dysfunction of my growing up years, but that's another story. For this post I will attempt to probe my mind so that I can give a small accounting of the last few days.
Sunday was Stake Conference. At the beginning we sustain all the church officers from the General Authorities to the stake offices. As I was raising my hand I felt a deep gratitude for the leaders of our church and the ability to give them my sustaining vote.
On Monday I took my daughter for her orientation and counseling session at the junior college. She is a junior in high school and will be taking a couple of classes there next semester for college credit. The counselor we met with told her that she was very impressed with her Language Arts score as it was very unusual for students her age to obtain that. Since she has felt that she is behind in so many things, this was a real boost to her and she came away feeling very happy. I also came away with gratitude for the Lord in guiding us down this path as it has proven to be the best thing for her.
Tuesday night I had a very strange dream, nightmare actually. I have learned from the past that this is one very effective way the Lord has of communicating with me, and that if I read my scriptures immediately following a particularly strange dream that I will be given insight for myself or my family. In this case the dream was about one of my children. I didn't understand the dream nor what I was being told when I read my scriptures but on Wednesday I felt prompted to ask this child a question. When I did so this child told me that s/he had been wanting some help but didn't know how to ask me. After our conversation I completely understood why I had the dream and what the scriptures meant and also how I was to proceed to help this child. While I don't relish having these dreams, I am grateful to the core of my being that the Lord loves my children so much that he will do whatever need be to get these messages across to me.
Today is Thanksgiving. My husband got up early to make our traditional Thanksgiving breakfast of bacon, sausage, fried eggs, toast, fresh squeezed orange juice, and cinnamon twists. The cinnamon twists are tradition going back at least 20 years. My MIL found this lady who made these delectable delights for the holidays and started ordering them. We have been ordering from her ever since and I think she only does it for a few valued customers now, we being among the lucky ones!
While I am thankful for our breakfast tradition, I am more thankful for the man who keeps it going. I know that the Lord's hand was the guiding force in my life in leading me to my husband. We are one of those couples who complement each other well. My weaknesses are his strengths and his weaknesses are my strengths. Now that isn't always pleasant as we get do tend to get irritated and impatient with each other at times, but we both recognize this and we work hard and trying to help each other.
He is one of the hardest workers I have ever met (with the exception of his father). He goes to work somewhere between 4:30 and 6:00 AM and comes home around 5:30 PM. He runs a business with a partner that he started from the ground and now has upwards of 30-40 employees. After dealing with the stress and frustration of work, he comes home and helps to get the house in order (that should have been in order before he got there--my weakness!) He loves to cook and is always making some savory steak sauce or delectable culinary delight. He's a great dad, husband, worthy priesthood holder and provider of our family. I just have to look around the house and see all the comforts we have and I know that it is because of his hard work and love for us that we have all that we do.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and may you recognize the hand of the Lord in your lives this Holiday season.
Count your many blessings; Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings; See what God hath done.
That's the name of the tea room my MIL took my daughters and I to today, and it was a very memorable day. We had Apricot Cinnamon herbal tea and scones, little sandwiches, and cookies and cakes. We talked and laughed and enjoyed ourselves immensly. The only thing missing were our Victorian dresses. We loved it so much that we decided that we need to have a tea every week!
Three beautiful daughters...three beautiful blessings.
Today my daughter took her college assessments and was very nervous about them. I said a little prayer for her and was reminded that "the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost...shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance." She did very well on them, much better than she thought she would.
I have seen the hand of God reaching out to touch me, my children and our family today.
As I was considering what to post for today my thoughts turned to my scriptures. Over the past four months I have studied my scriptures more consistently than I ever have in my entire life. As a result I have been blessed with more answers, or rather I have been able to recognize more answers given to me than ever before. They come now almost on a daily basis, usually through my scriptures, but also through other writings and as thoughts or impressions. My testimony of the power of the scriptures has grown immensely because of this. President Boyd K. Packer touched on this theme in his Conference address when he speaks of an occurrence with President Marion G. Romney, “He told those mission presidents that he did not know any more surely then as a member of the First Presidency that God the Father lives; that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, the Only Begotten of the Father; and that the fullness of the gospel had been restored than he did as a missionary boy 50 years before in Australia. He said that his testimony had changed in that it was much easier to get an answer from the Lord. The Lord’s presence was nearer and he knew the Lord much better than he had 50 years before.”
Like President Romney, I’ve always known the gospel was true; however I never believed before that I could get answers without a lot of hard prayer and concentration. I never felt like I was worthy enough to receive answers and help. I still had a testimony, but it’s only been through my recent studies that I am learning how the Lord speaks to me and that I am feeling his presence near me.
President Packer wrote a book of short essays, Memorable Stories with a Message that I have been reading to my children. On more than one occasion it has been the medium for some of my answers. Just yesterday we read a story about a man who was known as a “perennial student”. He had been granted an inheritance that was to last as long as he was engaged in collegiate studies. After graduation it was to go to charity. The man remained a student until the day he died. He probably had every degree offered at the university and had taken nearly every course. However President Packer said that “he could not be described as educated. He fit the description of those spoken of in the scripture who are ‘ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.’ (2 Timothy 3:7)” He learned but he didn't truly live.
At first I didn’t think of this story as an answer, but last night I was given a thought that I have been ruminating on ever since. Over the last few months I have been very blessed with insight and understanding in the trial that I have been going through. I have been given many thoughts and impressions on how to proceed through this time in my life. I have loved all these answers and have written them down in various locations of my writings as they have come. But my thought last night in reference to this story was that I have been a “perennial student”. I have taken the knowledge and thanked the Lord for his goodness in answering my various pleas, but I have not done a lot about it. I’m one of those planner type of people who loves forms and spends inordinate amounts of time creating schedules, charts and other various and sundry items, but then never following completely through.
In Isaiah 27 & 28 there are references to flowers: Israel shall blossom and bud; Ephraim’s glorious beauty is a fading flower. Israel blossoms because of the living water. Ephraim fades as a result of lack of living water. Living water are the words of Christ, and as we study and ponder the scriptures we receive nourishment and strength. But “living” water also denotes action; it is “living” our day based on the guidance given to us through the Holy Spirit. It is taking what we are given and following through with faith.
So the way I have seen the Lords hand in my life today is by him giving me an understanding of where I need to go from here and what I need to do with the knowledge he has given me.
Often times I have felt like an observer of my life. Watching it from above or afar, but never fully living it. I’m kind of tired of that. In the words of George Bailey,
“Help me, Clarence, please. Please! I want to live again!”
I have seen the hand of God reaching out to touch me, my children and our family today.
My mother-in-law is still being gracious in lending me her car while mine is STILL in the shop. In her CD player she has all Christmas CD’s, so today, while running my errands I flipped on the music and the car was filled with beautiful carols. The second song to play was the Hallelujah Chorus by Handel. When I was in the 7th grade I took Concert Choir. My teacher was fabulous. Most of my understanding of music theory came from her. For Christmas we learned the Hallelujah Chorus and performed it for our school concert (imagine that being done today…). It was one of the most profound musical experiences of my life. I still remember every note all these years later, so when the song came on, I turned up the volume and sang along at the top of my lungs with my mediocre-choir-voice! When the song finished I started it over and sang along again. When I got near the end to the passage where the refrain “King of Kings and Lord of Lords” is repeated several times, I suddenly found that I couldn’t sing…and I had a hard time seeing the road too. I whispered the words in a choked voice until the song was over. It’s hard to put into words, but what I felt was the hand of the Lord in my life, accepting my mediocre-choir-voice tribute and blessing me with a testimony of my Savior.
Tonight my daughter told me that for Mutual on Wednesday they will be going to a homeless shelter to serve dinner. She commented that when you give service, you feel so good, that you actually feel like you are doing it for yourself. What a blessing to learn something so profound at an early age.
Tonight was also Enrichment Night. I have a hard time going because ever since I moved into this ward I have been in Primary, so even though we have been here nearly 2 ½ year I still don’t know anybody. I ventured out anyway since they were serving dinner and dessert and found a table with a fellow Primary worker. A few other people moseyed over to our table and soon we had a great discussion going about the difficulties of raising children, and how each child is different and unique, and how they each require a different approach when disciplining and loving them. All the ladies at the table were in different stages of motherhood, but the overall theme we all agreed on was that we need to love more and criticize less. I came away with a resolve to be more loving and patient. We also got to do some humanitarian work and you know what? My daughter is right; service does more for the giver than the receiver.
Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?
Yesterday I did not read my scriptures and it was not a happy day. Today I started my day out by reading them and felt a sense of well being within my core that supported me throughout my day. I also noticed that there was more harmony within our family today.
Tonight my oldest daughter's Young Women president expressed to me how impressed she was with my daughter on a recent assignment that she had been given. She said my daughter had been very well prepared and had studied very hard for a particular activity. I was able to tell my daughter that she had been complimented and was able to see her sense of self-worth raise a notch.
I’ve been blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law who gives unselfishly of her time and means to do what she can to help us. Our car needed to be taken in for repair a few days ago, and she cancelled an appointment so that she could follow me over to the shop and then let me use her car for the day. That was last week. She did the same thing today.
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done...
Wow, has it been that long since I posted? I had been doing so well, 17 posts in one month--my all time high. Woohoo for me!
My brain went all bloggy though and it was starting to get annoying! Everything I did was a potential post and I just had to take a break for awhile to detox. Besides I've been on a rollercoaster ride and if I had posted everything I thought of you would have gone on it with me and I'm not sure you would have liked it! I know I didn't. I'm still on it and it's starting to make me feel sick! I'm in a low spot right now which is bad and good, there's only one way to go, but how long the low spot will last is anyone's guess! I'm hoping for an upward climb soon and then to find a nice level place for awhile!
When life gets this way I forget that I have any blessings and I tend not to look for them as my mind is all pessimistic in it's outlook. I'm reminded of President Eyering's conference talk where he encouraged us to write down experiences each day based on this question, "Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?" He says that as he would cast his mind over the day, he would see evidence of what God had done for certain members of his family that he had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. He says as it happened he realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show him what He had done.
After I heard this talk, I decided that I was going to start this habit. Since I've never been good at keeping a journal this was going to be a challenge for me. I decided that the best way to approach it is to find a really pretty journal just for this purpose. So I set off in search of just the right one. Well, I'm pretty picky so it was a hard thing to find. I wanted one with pretty vintage roses on it, something that I would enjoy seeing on my bedside table. I guess vintage roses aren't in since I still haven't found it, so consequently I still haven't written anything and it's been over a month since I heard that talk!
Pathetic.
I'm turning over a new leaf.
Here's my beautiful vintage rose...
...and today I'm going to start writing about my blessings. And I'm going to post them here every day until Thanksgiving. Maybe by that time I will have found my beautiful book, and if not, I'll pick up the next best one and make do. No more procrastinating for me...
As I sit here trying to think of where I have seen God's hand in my life today, my eye is drawn toward the piano. And the blessing I am thankful for is the gift of music, and the finding of a wonderful piano teacher who has inspired my girls and me with a desire to practice. Some people might get tired of hearing "The First Noel" or "When the Saints Go Marching In" or "Fur Elise" played 30-40 times in one day, but to me it's a heavenly concert because it's the sound of my girls well on their way to becoming accomplished pianists.
...and today I'm going to start writing about my blessings. And I'm going to post them here every day until Thanksgiving. Maybe by that time I will have found my beautiful book, and if not, I'll pick up the next best one and make do. No more procrastinating for me...