I Want to Live!

I have seen the hand of God reaching out to touch me, my children and our family today.

As I was considering what to post for today my thoughts turned to my scriptures. Over the past four months I have studied my scriptures more consistently than I ever have in my entire life. As a result I have been blessed with more answers, or rather I have been able to recognize more answers given to me than ever before. They come now almost on a daily basis, usually through my scriptures, but also through other writings and as thoughts or impressions. My testimony of the power of the scriptures has grown immensely because of this. President Boyd K. Packer touched on this theme in his Conference address when he speaks of an occurrence with President Marion G. Romney, “He told those mission presidents that he did not know any more surely then as a member of the First Presidency that God the Father lives; that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, the Only Begotten of the Father; and that the fullness of the gospel had been restored than he did as a missionary boy 50 years before in Australia. He said that his testimony had changed in that it was much easier to get an answer from the Lord. The Lord’s presence was nearer and he knew the Lord much better than he had 50 years before.”

Like President Romney, I’ve always known the gospel was true; however I never believed before that I could get answers without a lot of hard prayer and concentration. I never felt like I was worthy enough to receive answers and help. I still had a testimony, but it’s only been through my recent studies that I am learning how the Lord speaks to me and that I am feeling his presence near me.

President Packer wrote a book of short essays, Memorable Stories with a Message that I have been reading to my children. On more than one occasion it has been the medium for some of my answers. Just yesterday we read a story about a man who was known as a “perennial student”. He had been granted an inheritance that was to last as long as he was engaged in collegiate studies. After graduation it was to go to charity. The man remained a student until the day he died. He probably had every degree offered at the university and had taken nearly every course. However President Packer said that “he could not be described as educated. He fit the description of those spoken of in the scripture who are ‘ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.’ (2 Timothy 3:7)” He learned but he didn't truly live.

At first I didn’t think of this story as an answer, but last night I was given a thought that I have been ruminating on ever since. Over the last few months I have been very blessed with insight and understanding in the trial that I have been going through. I have been given many thoughts and impressions on how to proceed through this time in my life. I have loved all these answers and have written them down in various locations of my writings as they have come. But my thought last night in reference to this story was that I have been a “perennial student”. I have taken the knowledge and thanked the Lord for his goodness in answering my various pleas, but I have not done a lot about it. I’m one of those planner type of people who loves forms and spends inordinate amounts of time creating schedules, charts and other various and sundry items, but then never following completely through.

In Isaiah 27 & 28 there are references to flowers: Israel shall blossom and bud; Ephraim’s glorious beauty is a fading flower. Israel blossoms because of the living water. Ephraim fades as a result of lack of living water. Living water are the words of Christ, and as we study and ponder the scriptures we receive nourishment and strength. But “living” water also denotes action; it is “living” our day based on the guidance given to us through the Holy Spirit. It is taking what we are given and following through with faith.

So the way I have seen the Lords hand in my life today is by him giving me an understanding of where I need to go from here and what I need to do with the knowledge he has given me.

Often times I have felt like an observer of my life. Watching it from above or afar, but never fully living it. I’m kind of tired of that. In the words of George Bailey,

“Help me, Clarence, please. Please! I want to live again!”